Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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