yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
