How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
