I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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