tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Shame - the story of my life.
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