I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
