Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
