what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
