did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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