At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
