You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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