im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
