All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
