ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
