This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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