just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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