i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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