I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
