i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
