3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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