Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize