i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
