Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
