My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize