you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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