I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
