i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
