He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
