On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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