great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize