If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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