what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
