I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
