He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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