Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
