do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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