last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
