Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
