everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
