So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You pole danced in your parka.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
