she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
