you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
