i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
