we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
