IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
