the condom got lost in my hair
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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