Got a toothbrush?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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