party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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