Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
