If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
