Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
