I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
