party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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