I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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