I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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