i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
