I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
