he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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