Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
