Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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