and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You ruined the universe
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