My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
