i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
