I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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