I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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