Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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