We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
