look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
