I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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