you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
