Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
