WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
