I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
