take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
