I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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