The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
