It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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