But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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